I feel that sometimes expectations can get a bad rep. If you think of how you may have used the word yourself, you’ll realize that it’s only when you, or an event or circumstance fails to meet a predetermined notion and someone is let down. I may be cynical but the word has come to mean such a horrible thing to me. But this post isn’t about those kinds of horrible exceptions. Instead it’s about all of the amazing, somewhat fantasized, expectations I have of Melbourne. And here it goes:
- Heat. Hot weather. Sunshine. Heat
- Beach days, with some amateur/beginner surfing… with cute boys haha (the 16 year old in me is swooning)
- Sunshine (again)
- Happiness and incredible amounts of laughter
- Amazing people
- Loads of wondering around and getting lost. Exploring
From this list it’s as if someone is describing their summer vacation from high school, but to be honest that’s really how I feel. I feel like I’m about to start something so new and so cool that I’m giddy and childish about it. Slowly all of the responsibilities, and you know, school, will come into play but I think I’m okay with that. I am ready for that too. Gives me butterflies thinking about it, and it worries me that I may not be good at this, but I think you need to have those doubts and hesitations just so you remember to work your ass off.
Flights are booked. A little later than I wanted. A little more expensive than I expected. A little less exciting than I thought it would be BUT they’re booked, and shit just got real. February 6, 2014.
As I was getting frustrated for having missed the deal I spotted last week, or missing the chance to be on this same flight only 2 days sooner I had to stop myself and remind myself to stop getting so worked up over something so trivial. You cannot control the world, so stop trying. And I think it was because of these expectations and frustration that in the end I couldn’t even enjoy the thought of being one step closer to the dream. That’s really pathetic, don’t you think??
I’ve finally gotten back to work on my article so hopefully with some good work all week I can have a draft that I’m happy enough to submit for publishing. I’m happy to have a month off before I leave.
Oh god it’s just a month.
EDIT: So. Funny how things work out, but I ended up getting a sooner flight (for the day I wanted!) So all of that bitching and complaining was for nothing haha. — FEBRUARY 4, 2014!!
This whole process has been a blur. It really started back in August after my interview with my supervisor. Things from there went by quickly in ways, and not so quickly in others. My interview was on the 26th at midnight, applications were due by the 31st – and I needed to get three reference forms in by that point. A lot to ask for, no? But somehow, everything was super easy – I completed my form and, with the help of my supervisor, I had it in on time; my referees were amazing and had my forms in asap, nothing left but to wait to hear the results. And this is the part that took FOREVER. I know they said 8-10 weeks to process the acceptance, but holy were those 8-10 weeks brutal.
—- Here’s my problem: I tend to put all my “eggs in 1 basket” as an old boyfriend once pointed out. And then I don’t want anything else. All other options are dim in comparison and I can’t get off my lazy ass long enough to put effort into applying for those things. Basically my problem is that I’m lazy —-
10 weeks later, I’m sitting on the floor of my best friend’s apartment coming to the slow defeat that if I was getting in, I would have heard by now. Then I got in. Since getting in, it’s been nuts. My acceptance meant nothing – I would need to wait to hear about scholarships. They told me it would take about 4-6 weeks; 2 weeks later I heard about scholarships. Then I needed to get all my documents in order.
- Passport – Expected wait time: 2 weeks; Actual time: 4 days
- Confirmation of Enrollment – Expected wait time: 7 business days; Actual time: 3 business days
- Visa – Expected wait time: unknown (but assumed a week or so); Actual time: 8-9 hours. How NUTS is that?
So anyways, once the ball got rolling it REALLY got rolling. My only hesitation is that there HAS to be some sort of karmic balance right? No way the universe can keep going up up up and not come down, right?!
“What is joy without sorrow? What is success without failure? What is a win without a loss? What is health without illness? You have to experience each if you are to appreciate the other. There is always going to be suffering. It’s how you look at your suffering, how you deal with it, that will define you.” – Mark Twain
So here’s my low, my loss – the same time I’m getting all this good news; seconds before or after I open another email with another step of my plan worked out, I get news of my grandmother who is sick, and damn-near dying. What do I do? Can I be happy for myself while being stressed and sad for her and my mother?
Haha. I guess I didn’t exactly expect it to be easy, but I also didn’t realize how much work passports and visas and forms and applications and accommodations and flights and every other thing you need to consider would be. This is why I need a month off from work before leaving… or so I’m telling myself.
So, I hate my job… I guess hate’s a strong word, but lets just say I’m happy to be quitting. Anyways, I keep needing to justify quitting at the end of December so I can have January off to prepare for the big move in February. I keep telling myself and others that it’s so I can deal with all this kind of crap. So I can slowly, take my time to get organized, pack, make sure I have all my documents etc. But really, it’s also because I am SO eager to be out of this stupid retail job. I just know I need the money – but am conveniently turning a blind eye to that fact. I just need to make a list of everything I need to do and see in January if I should work the first couple weeks or not. I know I won’t work the last two weeks of the month, so it really is just about two weeks.. hmm maybe another paycheck will be a good thing. Decisions decisions.
My new passport came in today 🙂 they’re actually a lot prettier than before, and I’m super excited. Also, the arrival of the passport means I could officially accept my offer to the University of Melbourne. Now I can cross that off my list.
Next “big things”:
- Apply for student visa
- Figure out how to renew my health card/driver’s license early so they don’t expire while I’m gone, and
- Book flights!!
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king
-J. R. R. Tolkien
I’m starting this blog to document my life. How vain, right? Sometimes it’s just easier to talk to a page than an person, and I’m sure there are 100’s of bloggers out there that feel this way. I’m not trying to be unique or different. I just want to keep a log of some of the cool adventures I’m about to embark on.
I live a pretty great life. Good family, good support system, and a world of opportunity open to me – quite literally. My current obsession is my next adventure – moving to Melbourne, Australia, from Toronto, Canada. I’m more excited than scared, and a little confused by my lack of emotion towards leaving home. I know I’ll “miss” people but I don’t think I would miss anyone or anything enough to change my mind. I’m too excited to care haha. This should be good :).